Not that I took any picture or even announced this to you, but I pretty much finished the paletot. I got all the fur on, it just needs closures.

However, I'm very unhappy with it. I ran out of fur, so I took out the gore I had put in the back. While it still does fit over my skirts, it looks really super wonky. I'm admiring other ladies' paletots and mine just does not have the nice drape in the back that theirs do, because I took out the gore.

I see two remedies for this:

A) Accept that the back is wonky and wear it
B) Make up the OTHER wool coat I have cut out

Choice A saves me a lot of work. Also, I put up with so much frustration to get the damn fur on there! And I wouldn't be throwing away the $60 in materials.

Choice B gives me peace of mind. Because I WILL be extremely upset that the back is weird and not what I want.

I could see myself making up the other wool coat-- a fitted coat of camel hair-- and trimming it with the red wool from the paletot, as well as the fur. It sounds very pretty! I'm starting to warm up to this idea--pun intended!

k

I am happy about the two balls I'll be going to over break! The first one is this Friday in Long Beach and is a charity event, and the other is the ACWS Winter Ball, January 9.

Anyone want to come with? ;)

I am happy that my sweet lil fish Chloe is not dying! :D

She's very happily swimming around in her bowl of clean water, which I've been keeping warm by setting the bowl in the sink filled with warm water. She's no longer pitifully sinking to the bottom of the bowl looking like she was ready to pass out (which nearly scared ME to death!).

I never thought I could care so much about a little fish, but she's been my constant companion at school and loves watching me when I'm at my desk (which is where her bowl is).

Alright. Now that she's all taken care of, back to studying for my bio final!

PS: I started doing the blackwork for one of the cuffs of my shirt. I think it already looks a lot better than my sample piece, since I'm doing things a little differently this time around. I'd rather be embroidering... *sigh*

Who would have ever thought I'd say that?! I used to hate embroidery!!

Finished sample:



Beginning cuff:

1. Post about something that made you happy today even if it's just a small thing.
2. Do this everyday for eight days without fail.
3. Tag eight of your friends to do the same.

Except I'm not tagging anyone. Y'all can do it if you so choose. And I suggest you do. In light of my self-pity fest, I realized that I have a lot to be thankful for, and a lot of good things in my life.

So let me start by saying that I'm EXTREMELY thankful for all of my friends, both in real life and on LJ (because honestly, some of my LJ friends are the sweetest and most caring people I have ever "met"!) and how much they comfort and support me in spite of my apparent inability to move on and do what's right for myself.

That having been said, today I got some pretty awesome new boots that made me VERY happy today!

... that this is true. I haven't felt this hopeless in a very long time.

I JUST came back from rehearsal!!!! It turned into a six hour dinner/bonding experience with my fellow Maids of Honor. I can already tell I'm going to have so much fun with them! Now I just can't wait to get started on my gown once finals are over. Ehhh finals...

In Actual Sewing News, I bought myself some evenweave linen and embroidery floss to start practicing the blackwork that I want to put on my collar and cuffs (and eventually an entire partlet? I know, ambitious.). I actually don't epic fail! And it's quite addicting! The back is still a little messy, but the front doesn't look half bad. Huzzah!

Had another weird dream the other night. I'm wondering if this is all pent up stuff I need to talk to someone about (the someone in my dream) but it seems too random and awkward. It would go something like this: "You make me hate myself for feeling inferior to you." Bleh. Maybe I need a talk therapist. I'm beginning to think it's a good thing I haven't been able to go to as many Civil War events. It keeps me out of trouble and from beating myself when things don't go the way I want them to. Faire is going to be such a refreshing escape... It's pretty much the only era that hasn't been "ruined" for me...

I made up a shopping list for tomorrow (supposing I can sneak out of the house). Lawn for 16th century shirts, embroidery stuff for attempting blackwork *fingers crossed*, and fabric for a new farthingale (going to salvage the boning from my old one). Would love to get linen for an 18th century working class outfit, but I don't think it's gonna happen until summer. Maybe I'll spring for some voile for a petti to go with my 1780s jacket. Yes... this sounds like a good plan...

... that I am in SUCH an 18th century mood right now!! Can't wait to get home and do a bit of work on the birthday dress! Although I wish I could make up my 1780s jacket, for which I have fabric *sigh*. And I think I'm going to turn my Frilly Friday fabric (what's left from birthday dress trim) into an 18th century petticoat. Because it'll be super cute with my pink polonaise!

Hmm... I think I could do all 18th century for Costume College!

*pink polonaise
*1780s jacket
*birthday dress

I made a boo-boo with my cotton print dress. I don't want to talk about it. Suffice to say, one sleeve has a rip in it. *cries*

So sometime before Costume College, I'll need another 18th century dress. Maybe something lower class? That has the potential to be fun!

Am I correct in thinking that one failed math test will not adversely affect my graduating from college in the long run? Because right now I'm having a complete meltdown and feeling like a failure at life... I hate math. That's why I'm majoring in Art History. This is the last math class I will ever have to take in my entire life!

Fabric:
*court dress
*black wool 1860s
*Emma dress
*pink silk 1860s
*1780s jacket
*plaid linen 1870s
*white cotton eyelet 1870s

Things I actually want to work on:
*black wool 1860s
*court dress

Things that are close to being done but aren't (hems and closures!):
*teen dress
*red wool paletot
*linen Regency

If I buy the black wool-- Okay, WHEN I buy the black wool (in like, 5 minutes...) I need to compensate by finishing one of the unfinished items. Like the paletot because I need it this winter for the Big Bear trip (CWW).

I think those bustle dress fabrics are going to sit in the stash for a few more years before I EVER get to them!! Sheesh... Not really in an 18th century mood either. Definitely a good balance between Elizabethan and 1860s at this point. Which are the eras I actually have lots of events for, so I guess it all works out. :]

Hokay... now I've got my thoughts all straightened out on the screen. Time to buy some wool...

Meh... You have no business being in my subconscious. :(

I've been in a weird mood all day now. I hate how dreams do that.

I dreamed he told me to stop being jealous and that he never wanted to see me again. And I spent the rest of the dream frantically trying to find him. It may have been New Moon-induced, since I just saw it the other day. What made me upset was when he told me (in real life, now) that my biggest fear is him disappearing from my life forever. Um, excuse me??? There are so many things wrong with that statement, I'm not even going to get into it. If you haven't noticed, I'm a perfectly functioning human being without you in my life, and you wouldn't even cause a ripple if you suddenly stopped existing. That would be freedom for me, frankly.

I'm not that simpering Bella.

Birthday dress polonaise is almost done. Needs a hem and closures. Then I'll trim it and make the underskirt. My hat arrived and it's even prettier in person. Can't wait to test drive the finished outfit. I don't think I'll be waiting for my birthday!

PS: That's not the petticoat! I'm just wearing it for the pictures!

Today I went on the "fabric safari" with the guild costume captain Mary and a couple other ladies, including one of my fellow Maids, Alicia. I was starting to get a little discourage because everything I found was already going to be worn by someone else! And there are only so many colors of cotton velvet in the world...

But then Mary found me the most amazing fabric for my forepart and sleeves. Unfortunately I was required to buy the whole bolt (5 yards) so I don't know what I'll do with all the extra, but I'm sure there will be some use for it! The cotton velvet was something I had walked past a couple times, not really caring for it, but then I took a much closer look and it REALLY grew on me. Paired with the forepart fabric, it seemed quirky but still very rich. Alicia called it my "mermaid" dress (and hers is the flower fairy dress!). She then took me to the beading and jewelry section, and I got some lovely freshwater pearls in a sort of pale orange gold color that will look very striking on the trim I got (from Michael Levine). Holding off on the jewels for now though, although I saw some Swarovski crystals that I think I'm going to use for the forepart and sleeves.

For all the guidelines and such, I still have an amazing gown and I can't wait to start working on it! I'm glad I already have a perfectly-fitted bodice to work with, so that will save me a lot of time and frustration. I have to wait until school is over in two weeks (stressed!!!) but then I'll be a sewing powerhouse!

The best part of the day was running into koshka_the_cat , sarahnucci , and twilatee in Home Fabrics! I saw Twila and my first thought was "Twila doesn't live in California...". Then I saw Katherine and knew something was up! I hope you ladies have a splendid time tonight at the ball!

... and exhausted. I had a really lovely time though. The hotel was a complete dream come true; built in 1897 and appropriately furnished. No TVs. Afternoon tea every day. Befriended a charming British couple and we chatted about historical buildings and history in general (they live in a 16th century vicarage). Really delightful people, and it felt so quaint and perfectly Victorian to make friends in a hotel during tea. You know, the kind who end up touring the rest of the Continent with you because you hit it off so splendidly. ;)

The funniest moment: "You look like you ran right out of the 1920s!!"

Ah... okay... :-P

Tomorrow I'm going to Joann. Call me crazy, but the sale is huge and there are essentials I need. Like another bolt of muslin for mock-ups and various undergarment type things. And plain black cotton broadcloth for the Emma dress. I'm furthering my insanity by wanting new stays and a farthingale for court stuff. I'll even do them on the machine and use metal grommets, I just want them DONE. I think this is quite doable, but I wouldn't be able to get started until the end of the semester in two weeks. Then it's power sewing time! :D

:D



Now for the cap! And I have a strong desire to remake this dress in proper black wool. This silk suiting is really horrid stuff, always rubbing off black on my white underthings. I'm loving prancing around in a maid's outfit. There's something very fun about being working class!

Civil War "pinner" version:

Watched all of "Emma: A Victorian Romance." I'm in love. The story is sweet and less cliche than you'd think, there's actual character development, and the clothing is SPOT ON. Pretty much a dream come true for me. But as a result, I'm making a quick white apron and cap for a maid's outfit. Plan to wear it with my black mourning dress to Knott's in February and have fun as a lady's maid.

Birthday dress bodice is pretty much complete so it's onto the skirt. Decided to make the train detachable so I can have the shorter version to wear when space is cramped and there's lots of people around.

Frantically searching for court dress fabric... My mom has volunteered to take me to LA this Saturday for the fabric safari. I have a good feeling I'll find something there, but this is the first time the internet has failed me! I normally find great things online! Oh well. Winter break is going to consist entirely of whipping this thing up (which I know I can do quickly, especially on a machine) but it's embellishment that's going to take a lot of time. Trying not to panic. I can do it. I've done crazier things! I've decided to deconstruct the stamped velvet bodice since it fits perfectly and "recover" it with whatever fabric I end up choosing. That'll save loads of time!

I still need to order fabric for my bonnet! I've got everything now (even trim) and I'd love to get started, but that can't happen til I have fabric. But looking at my work load, I don't think I'll get to it until after the court dress deadline (Feb. 27).

My first semester of college is almost over. It went by surprisingly fast. I actually think I might be able to stick it out another year, but we'll see. I'm just feeling horribly restless, and I'm hoping that next semester I'll get a reprieve from that. New classes mean new faces. And I'm hoping there are a few handsome male faces in there. Handsome male faces who like history and are gentlemanly.

Haha yeah right. Back to sewing.

Alright, here's what I have so far:

The hat:



The shoes:



The dress fabric:



The trim fabric (originally for the Frilly Friday dress; it wasn't quite right, so I'm going to find something else for the FF dress):



The preliminary sketch:



Underskirt will be alternating rows of pink and cream tulle. *squee!*

Oh and... this will be my Gala dress for CoCo '10!!!!!!

And I'm making a fabulous fantasy 18th century dress to go with it. For my 19th birthday (yeah, it's 5 months away...). I'm trying to find somewhere really smashing to wear it, but any decent club is 21+. So frustrating!!!! :-/

I have to thank the ex-manfriend for the hat. What a doll... He's gonna hold onto it until my birthday. It's only fair! I really don't deserve it and I'm in total shock! Wow... If I don't have a killer place to wear this thing, I don't know what I'll do!

Okay... sleep? Sleep!

Ummm guys... I just entirely hand sewed a dress in three days... O.o

Just needs hooks and eyes (which are at home. Forgot to bring them up to school with me...) and trim. I have my lovely navy blue velvet ribbon but... What do I do with it?? Suggestions? :]

*tries not to get the Les Mes song stuck in her head*

Perusing NPR online. They've started a series on race, and this article/interview really struck me, because it was so pertinent to me.
www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php

I've always gotten questions about my race. When I was little, my friends would ask some insensitive questions. I would get so upset when kids told racist Asian jokes. But... I was only half Chinese. So why should it bother me? It did.

My father is white (and 1/8 Native American). My mother is Chinese. She was adopted by my American grandfather and my Japanese grandmother who he brought over from Japan. She grew up "white". I grew up "white" too. I never had the cultural values or traditions that other Asian kids in my high school had (in my private Catholic school I was one of 3 Asian students). So I wasn't really Asian. But I wasn't really white. One of the things I hate so much is filling in those damn "race" boxes on tests. I've taken to marking "decline to state" because it angers me so much. Screw your demographics. It doesn't and shouldn't matter what race I am when I'm taking this test. But that's an entire rant in itself, and for another day...

In the 21st century, and since I've grown and matured as a person, I can accept being of mixed race. I've gotten more compliments on how I look than any kind of derogatory remarks (in fact, I've never gotten ANY derogatory remarks about my heritage).

It's... in the 19th or 18th or 16th centuries that I start to hate myself. And I mean, literally, hate. Because people "like me" didn't exist then. And when I strive to be as accurate as possible, I can only be accurate to a point because I, as a human being, am not "accurate."

My fear is that I won't be able to get any farther with a hobby that I love. What "hardcore" reenacting group or historical site is going to have me? There are plenty of nice ways of saying, "Sorry, you're not white." This in an area that I have gotten some very, very hurtful remarks. I've caught myself thinking "What would I trade to be fully white?" It's an irrational, damaging thought process, but one that seems to creep up on me all too often.

I don't know exactly how to reconcile this. I know that as an American, I have just as much claim to my nation's history as anybody else. My concern is that other people won't understand this...